If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
