I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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