Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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