And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
