I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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