This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
