Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
