You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
that may or may not have been my penis.
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