All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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