she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
