apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
