I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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