Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
people are starting to question the shark bite story
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
