Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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