too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
