hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
