Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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