I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
