When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
