I accidentally had phone sex last night
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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