Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
how does that bad decision feel?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
