nut hugger
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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