nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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