two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
