My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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