I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
