If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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