Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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