Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
