I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
