There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
