Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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