I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
