Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
