I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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