i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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