We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
whose ass print is on the piano?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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