i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Randomize
