his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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