I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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