I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
