Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
