i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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