The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
