I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
