ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
