My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
