also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
