I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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