im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
