Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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