I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
