my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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