ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
