Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
