We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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