not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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