Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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