I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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