Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
