When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
