Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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