You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
