how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
