tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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