We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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