my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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