Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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