I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
