How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
