If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize