why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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