How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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